It's like a motor vehicle accident. Nobody wants to have a car wreck. You could be perfectly innocent, driving down the road when somebody on their cell phone or drunk or whatever bumps into you. Through no fault of your own, you're injured and your car is totalled.
That’s how divorce happens. Sometimes a person is 90% innocent, behaving themselves and somebody else collides with them in their marriage and divorce happens. It is a devastating thing for everybody. But it’s a reality of life. We need to be very careful that we don’t reject these walking w
ounded individuals. Now, I'm not saying I agree with divorce or that it is a good thing. I’ve seen too many kids suffer from divorce. It’s almost like post traumatic stress that kids suffer, sometimes many years later. It is very hurtful. Jesus did say he doesn’t want our marraiges to fall apart because divorce hurts us. God says he hates divorce. But the fact is that God himself got a divorce. In Isaiah God said, "I had to divorce my bride (which is Israel) because she was faithless. She committed adultery over and over again." So ultimately God had to divorce Israel and even though he hates divorce, it happens.
Amiee Semple McPherson (founder of the Foursquare Church) was a wonderful role model of this. She was twice divorced. It is not God’s plan for our lives. There is a better way and the better way is to maintain a healthy marriage but sometimes events are beyond our control.
When we come upon an accident, we stop to help. We don't just help the innocent guy, we help the guilty party too, even if he is drunk. We still try to comfort him and get him to a hospital.
Sometimes the church is not even this kind. We tend to disregard or reject people that have been divorced; that are bleeding and hurting and really need help but we brush them aside. So I try to be open and full of grace towards divorced people because they have been bruised enough already. I believe our church adapts this philosophy as well.
Thankfully, I’ve also seen God redeem marriages. I’ve seen Him redeem people from divorces that have gone into new marriages with their second marriage being extremely healthy. The statistics are not good, though. Sixty-five percent of the people in second marriages will get divorced -- this tops first marriages by about 20%. Nevertheless we have a lot of remarried people in our church who are very happy together. They’ve repented of their sin, they’ve taken counselling and they've been healed.
You know, God doesn’t want us to be miserable all of our lives, or alone. Marriage is a part of life and love is part of life so he allows remarriages in certain cases. I have seen many people remarry and be very happy.
Just last week I performed a wedding for a couple that used to come to our church -- when they were married to other people. Not only had the bride been unfaithful to her now ex-husband, he had also been having an affair. Eventually, their marriage broke up. Since then, the bride and groom have worked their relationship out with God and have been staying celibate until the wedding. When the bride asked me to marry them, I agreed. I had no problem with their relationship.
Sometimes, though, I am asked to marry a couple whose relationship I don't feel entirely positive about. I still get involved because I would rather they get married by me and spend 5-6 weeks in counselling than go to the Justice of the Peace and get married anyway. Or worse than that, live together. The counselling I provide helps set a good foundation which every marriage needs. We don't need any more relationship wrecks on the road of life.
Despite the statistics, I have great hope for this couple. I believe they will be successful in this second marriage and I pray their children will find healing.
I hope your marraige is on a firm foundation. If it isn't, why not check out Focus on the Family? Or you can contact our church. If you're the victim of a divorce, won't you consider visiting us on Sunday?
Barry
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