I received a call from a pastor friend from the other side of Canada regarding a couple who had previously divorced, now wanting to be married (not to each other, again). The issue was raising a bit of hot debate in his church, so he wanted an outside, unbiased opinion.I’m not sure that any of us are unbiased but here are a couple of things I talked with him about.
- I, like God, hate divorce. It leaves a host of scars in its wake. Unlike some Hollywood stars who glibly describe their divorces as friendly and calm, divorce hurts us badly. God doesn’t hate divorce (Malachi 2:16) because He wants us to be miserable, He hates divorce because He loves us so much and doesn’t want us and our kids to go through the pain that it causes.
- Likewise, as Jesus said to the Pharisees (in Matthew 19:3-12) the question is not, “How can I get a divorce?” rather it is, “What is marriage?” the heart of marriage is a lifelong mutual vow of self-sacrificing love.
- But the reality is, divorce happens. Just as we don’t intend on having accidents on the highway, they happen—even to good drivers. Some are bruised, some are wounded or maimed, and some die in accidents. Same with divorce—even some who are innocent suffer from the reality of divorce.
- Matthew 19:9 says, “Whoever gets a divorce, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” It is a sticky issue. Of course it has to be understood in light of the rest of the Bible. Here are four considerations:
- Those who’ve suffered divorce because of immorality are not bound by this statement. They are the exception.
- The word “and” in Greek is kai. It can be interpreted accurately as “in order to.” The rendering would then be, “If you divorce your wife in order to marry another (read: younger, slimmer) woman, you are committing adultery.”
- Keep in mind that God recognizes divorce as a nullification of the marriage contract. Read I Corinthians 7:27-28,“Are you released (divorced) from a wife? Don’t seek a wife, but if you marry,you have not sinned…”
- Consider God’s divorce. Isaiah 50 tells us that God Himself divorced His wife Israel, because of her persistent idolatry. Later on, thank God, He married the Church (Revelation 19:7-9).
Of course, these are not to be taken as reasons for divorce or justifications for failure in marriage. But divorce does happen—Jesus summarized it by stating the one root cause: hardness of heart. After a divorce, I recommend a long period of personal healing and restoration for all who’ve been affected, before any thought is given to remarriage.I hope my comments help my friend offer love and support to the couple in his church. If you have any comments or questions about divorce, feel free to send me an email.
Barry
3 comments:
Pastor Barry, concerning the divorce issue. I'm not sure that I understood what you were trying to say when you quoted I Corinthians 7:27-28. Is it not a sin if you divorce in order to go looking for another? And if you remarrie are you still not in sin? I read from the New International Version, “25Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy. 26Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are. 27Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. 28But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.” I think it has a different spin on it or am I worng?
Carmen
Hi Carmen,
Thanks for your comment. The NIV Bible is a great devotional paraphrase, but it is not necessarily the best translation. I use it for devotions but not for study. In verse 27 the word translated unmarried is lusis which means to release, dissolve, break, unbind as in divorce. It should read “Are you released (divorced)? Do not seek a wife, but if you do marry, you have not sinned.”
Hope that helps,
Barry
Thank you pastor Barry, it did help.
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