Dating and Marriage

Over the past 30 years I have counselled 100's of couples regarding marriage conflicts. The issues are varied and if 2 partners are willing almost any of them can be worked through with forgiveness, grace, love and respect.

The marriages that don't seem to be able to overcome obstacles tend to be where one or both partners is so badly messed up from their childhood that they have never matured as adults. They live their lives as though they were 6 years old. A person may be educated and successful in business, but socially they've been badly damaged. They are spoiled goods and not fit for the disciplines of marriage or family.

I am not saying that the childish person cannot be healed and fully move into adulthood, but I am saying that process should complete BEFORE marriage, not after. How many people have I heard lament, "I thought I could change him!" the fact is that if he or she does not care enough about others to change himself, they are not ready for the demands of married life.

Dating is our North American way of sorting through perspective partners. It is difficult because we tend to put our best foot forward to impress our date, but there are always tell-tale signs to those who are not blinded by infatuation or desperation.

With that perspective I give you this very appropriate test:

THINGS I WISH I'D KNOWN BEFORE I DATED

~ Never date anyone who is rude to the waiter/waitress.

~ Never date anyone who is rude to their mother.

~ If they have a tendency to be rude to you now, just wait.

~ If you date someone who doesn't share your standards, they'll lower yours.


~ The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship: "I
apologize" and "You are right."

~ Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

~ If he/she says you're too good for him/her, believe it.

~ If they have a tough time apologizing now, just wait.

~ Never date anyone who spends more time gazing into the mirror, than they
spend gazing into your eyes.