Today (Wednesday - February 28) is Susan’s and my 38th wedding anniversary. We were attending a friends’ wedding last week-end and were reminiscing with the others who were at our table about our own weddings.
Susan and I were married in February of 1969 largely because from the time she was a pre-teen, Susan had had her wedding thoroughly planned. She’d always imagined that her bridesmaids would be wearing red velvet dresses and come down the aisle of our church with white fur muffs on. She had the flowers chosen, the decorations preset, certain love songs to be sung on cue—all she needed was a guy to stand in the groom’s spot. Thankfully, that was me!
We first met in church. (That’s a great place to meet your prospective spouse.) She was a very mature 14 year old and I was a slowly budding 19 year old. A year later we had our first date. (I was so nervous that I had written a note listing several things that we could talk about—thankfully Susan was a good talker and I was a good listener!) A year after that we were engaged, and the following year we were married. Even though we were young, we knew that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together--so why wait?
Here we are, 38 years, two children and six grandchildren later, and even more delighted than ever with the choice we both made. People have asked me, “What is the secret to a long and happy marriage!”
One day I’ll write a book about that important subject, but I can summarize it in the same three words we use to describe our church motto—knowing, growing and sowing.
In the church, the secret of success is our knowing God, growing in maturity by doing what we were created to do (like an apple tree that grows apples, a sheep who produces wool and a cow that makes milk, a successful person fulfills the purpose he was created by God to fulfill) and finally sowing, or giving away what we produce.
In marriage it’s very similar. It begins by getting to really know one another. It’s not about me—rather, it’s about the one I married. Who is she? What are her needs? What is her purpose? What fulfills her? The answers come to the man or woman who sincerely listens to their spouse.
Secondly, a healthy marriage continues by growing together. Don’t wish away your days by longing for the past or the future. Enjoy who you and she are today. We are constantly changing. A young married couple with no money, but with lots of hopes and dreams is a very different person than the 35 year old with a young family, too much work to do and a demanding mortgage.
The challenges of each phase of life are what press us out of our comfort zone into growth and maturity. Enjoy each decade for what it brings.
And finally¸ sow generously. True fulfillment comes through giving. “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Give love, time and encouragement (whatever the moment calls for) generously. Don’t stop giving sacrificially to your wife—but expand your giving beyond your own family as you age. As the Psalmist wrote, “True happiness will follow a cup (life) that is not only full, but runs over to add to the fullness of others around him.”
Three little magic words – know, grow and sow will add wonder and happiness to our marriage relationships.
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