Saying Goodbye

It’s okay—He’s ready to go, but still the process of saying goodbye is sad and difficult.

My dad has been a wonderful role-model for the six children he fathered, plus the two whom he inherited when our mom died and he remarried forty years ago. He’s been one of those men who has few regrets when it comes to family—he successfully passed the baton to us adult kids, our 18 children and 27 grandchildren.

A couple of days ago, Susan and I went to visit dad in the hospital. The doctors have given him 1-2 months to live, but we were surprised how good he looked and how chipper his attitude was. Susan took mom out for coffee while my brother and I talked with dad, knowing it could be our last visit on earth. I asked my dad some pretty pointed questions. (I am often surprised how few people address the real issues of life and death head0on with loved ones who are dying).

I asked him how he felt about dying, and although he was, of course, sad to leave mom and his family, he said he was ready to go. My dad has, for as long as I can remember had a strong relationship with God, so he has always known that he will end up in heaven.

We talked about the other four issues that everyone should face before we die—“Thank You”, “I’m sorry”, “I forgive you” and “I love you”. It was surprising to both me and my brother what memories dad had where he felt he’d failed or disappointed us. He talked about little incidents that had happened 40 or more years ago, when he thought that he’d let us down, or said something inappropriate. Most of them we didn’t even remember, but it was good for dad to clean out the closet of his memories.

He talked about how much he loved our mom, who gave birth to us and poured her life in to us six kids. Mom died when she was only 42, so she didn’t get the privilege of watching us all move into adulthood. He was wondering if she’d be 42 in heaven and he’d be 89—and if she would know him. Then he questioned me about eventually meeting both of his wives in heaven. We laughed together and decided that God would figure it all out.

For me, the most emotional part of our visit was not listening to dad’s memories, but our telling him how much we loved and honored him as a father. As Rob and I recounted the many attributes and successes of our dad, thanked him for clearly showing us how to be men, to walk on the right path, and be loving husbands and fathers, I could hardly hold back my emotions.

After our hugs and goodbyes to dad, we prayed with him and left. It was good. We’re so thankful for the gift of this window of time to say what had to be said.