Dying Well

A few weeks ago, on a Saturday evening just as Susan and I were shutting down for the night, I received a call from the local hospital. The receptionist informed me that one of the members of our church had just died, and that his wife was asking for me.

I rushed over to the emergency ward to see her and we talked for a while, before going in together to see her forty-eight year old deceased husband. Bill had been ill for a long time, but the past two and a half years had been especially difficult for the whole family. Bill had not been able to work during that time and although he’d formerly been a hulk of a construction worker, he had diminished to just over a hundred pounds.

As always, his death was difficult. I held hiw wife Susan firmly as she cried and asked the question, “Now what do I do?” We talked that evening and again on Sunday afternoon.

On Friday, December 23rd, we laid Bill’s body to rest and celebrated his good life, but the grief goes on.

I’ve faced the questions, “Now what do I do?” and “How will I ever get past this tragedy?” so many times that I’ve written two books to answer them.

Good Mourning describes the two-year process that a loved one goes through after a death takes place. I describe the stages of grief which one must go through to reach the sunrise after nighttime.

The second book is called Dying Well. Hopefully it will be out by the end of January 2006. Here’s a peek at the introduction.

For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith. II Timothy 4:6&7

“It was a great game.” Bing Crosby, who collapsed after sinking a final putt on a golf course in Spain (1977)

“O my God! It is over. I have come to the end of it—the end, the end. To have only one life, and to have done with it! To have lived, and loved, and triumphed, and now to know it is over! One may defy everything else, but this.” Queen Elizabeth I

“My God, what’s happened?” Princess Diana Spencer in the Pont de l’Alma tunnel, as recorded in the official police files in Paris.

“Now God be with you, my dear children. I have breakfasted with you, and shall sup with my Lord Jesus Christ.” Robert Bruce, King of Scotland (1274 – 1329)

Humans are unique among all of God’s created beings. We are seemingly the only ones who understand the concept of death and after-life. We therefore are the only creatures who have been given the privilege of preparing ourselves for that coming day.

The great Apostle Paul was about sixty-five years of age when he wrote his last letter. It was addressed to his young protégé Timothy. About a month before he was martyred, Paul wrote these words. “The time of my departure is come. I have fought the good fight… I have finished the course.”

Three pictures defined the Apostle’s view of life. The first one was set in a nautical venue, “the time of my departure has come”. The Greek work that he chose to use for his leaving earth pictured a sailor in his ship setting out on a long voyage. It infers pulling up anchor, untying the ropes from the dock, setting his sails and catching a breeze into the open waters. Can you see the ship sailing out of sight to a far off destination?

A friend of mine used the same metaphor for her departure just a couple of months ago. Judy was an avid kayaker, so three weeks before she died of ovarian cancer, she asked her husband and daughter to help her down to the water near their home. Hardly able to walk, her family almost had to carry her to the waiting boat. After climbing in, gathering up her strength and donning her trademark smile, Judy told her husband Dave to turn on the video camera. Then she spoke of her undying love for her family and friends, and her deep faith in God. She quoted a couple of scriptures that had been a source of strength to her, pulled up anchor, waved good-bye and paddled out into the distance. The family played the video at her memorial service. I don’t need to tell you of the response from her gathered friends.

I fought the good fight

The second metaphor that the Apostle Paul used was, “I’ve fought the good fight”. A few years ago a dear friend died in her late eighties. Marie had been a sweet friend, an awesome wife, and a loving mother for most of her years. She’d given birth to ten children; lost a couple in infancy; fought through sickness, poverty and war (Maria had moved to Canada from Italy after World War II) and was spending her sunset years resting in a well deserved care home.

On the night that she died, Marie was sitting in her favourite chair reading her Bible. Around 9:30, a nurse came in and said, “Marie, it’s time to get your beauty rest.”

Her response, “No sweetie, I think I’ll just sit here and read for a while. I’m going home tonight you know.”

Of course the nurse had heard that wish from many of her patrons. They too had thought that they were going back home to being a mother and wife. But for Marie, she understood something beyond our human world. When she said, “I’m going home tonight,” she meant, “I’ve fought the fight of life well. It’s over and I’ve won. Now it’s time to receive my final trophy.” And that she did. Marie sat in her rocking chair and continued reading from her beloved Bible, until Jesus came and carried her off to her new home.

I’ve finished the course

Paul’s third metaphor was, “I’ve finished the course”. Having spent several months in Corinth, likely having watched the Ismus Games, he was alluding to the relay races. The Apostle had made reference before to stripping away any outer weights that may slow us down, keeping our eyes on the finish line, running with passion and making sure we place the baton securely into the next runner’s hands. But there he was at the end of his race, having completed the prescribed distance and reaching out to the finish line. He could almost feel the winner’s olive wreath on his head.

Blossom and I have written this book with the intent of helping our readers not only finish well, but also to die well. We want to (Blossom has already succeeded) do what we’re advocating – to transition from life on earth to life in heaven successfully.

Our prayer is that you will do likewise; that while you are healthy, maybe even young, you will begin the important process of preparing to die well.

Barry